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Top Gear Margovya Series 9, Episode 2 (transcript) (History of Margovya)
Introduction (Top Gear Margovya's theme song, Jessica, plays) Gavrina Kumilyova: Tonight, I drive something built for World War Three! Tanya tries to make a guitar out of a car! And Vice President Pankavuranov drives down a race track a little slower than usual! Mstislav Pankavuranov: Speed up! (Jessica hits the chorus, and Top Gear Margovya's title card is shown before moving to the studio, where Gavrina and Tanya are standing in the middle of the stage) GK: Hello! Hello, and welcome! Now, last week, we reviewed two Yakovich sports cars whose roots date back to the World Wars. If you recall, she said that the Yakovich WW1 actually reminds her of World War One, and that its engine reminds her of a ! Tanya Kalinina: Well, how about the Yakovich WW2, mate? It hasn't got the engine of an , or a , or a , but its core design dates back to 1947! 1947! That's just two years after World War Two! No wonder its acceleration and suspension feel like they've come from a Smith Thunderbolt! GK: But enough about old cars! This time, I took on a car that was designed to survive World War Three! Main Review GK: This is the Yakovich WW3. Currently one of Yakovich's fastest offerings at 406 kph, it's definitely close to catching up with the fastest street-legal car in the world, the . Star in a Reasonably Priced Car GK: Now, our guest for tonight is one of Margovya's new breed of young politicians, of which yours truly is included. Wile he may have made some controversial decisions as Mayor of Andufa City, and passed a few questionable laws during his time as Senator, he's currently doing a good job in his position today. He's also a regular target of both political terrorists and rumor talk show hosts, and did I mention he's dating our president? Ladies and gentlemen, Vice President ! Mstislav Pankavuranov: (waves his hand in greeting and shakes Gavrina's hand) It's my pleasure to be here! GK: Welcome to the show, Mr. Vice President! Thank you for finding time in your busy schedule to accomodate us. MP: (sits down) Well, as vice president, I've got all the time in the world. The only thing I really have to do is pray that the President gets incapacitated and I can finally call the Margovyan Palace my home. GK: That was a joke. I hope. MP: Yes, of course it is! Toriya, if you're watching this, I was just joking about the incapacitated part. (audience laughs) GK: You were all over the news last week, what with the terrorists setting fire to your hacienda. What can you say about that? MP: Well, that's what the authorities say. That's what my Uncle says, but personally, in my honest opinion, I think the real culprits behind the fire are just some disgruntled workers. I mean, my family has been forced to hand out plots of land to our workers from since before I was born, I believe. They want their own share of the land because they're the ones that actually till and plow the land and sow the crops and all that. I'm all right with that, but my uncle , the one who really handles the operation of the hacienda, thinks that it's, quote, "Very leftist." So he's been very slow in handing out the plots to the farmers. I think some of those farmers grew impatient, decided that if they couldn't make use of the land then neither should we, and burned it all down to the ground. GK: You were supposed to be in the hacienda when the fire happened, right? MP: Yes, I was supposed to be in the hacienda whe the fire started. Fortunately for me, I was called away for business. The President wanted a session with me, if you know what I mean. (audience laughs) GK: Looks like the audience knows what you mean. MP: (fakes disbelief and shock) What is happening to the people of Margovya!? (laughs) GK: And because you were away "on business," your cousin got all the credit for saving your people. MP: That Socialist bastard! GK: And there was one other thing which made you very popular. How does it feel, dating the President of Margovya? MP: Well, we've known each other from since before we even became president and vice president, respectively. We began dating a few weeks before we filed our candidacies, but I didn't really think we had something until just a few weeks ago. GK: And when President finally confirmed your relationship? MP: Honestly, it was like a great weight had been removed from my shoulders. Keeping something like love a secret is a very hard thing to do. It builds up in your chest until you just can't take it and you blurt it out to someone else, and by then it's not a secret anymore. I'm really glad Toriya did it; otherwise, I would have done it, and it wold probably not be in a civilized manner. GK: Now let's talk politics. Your first political position was Mayor of Andufa City, right? MP: Yes. GK: Can you give us an anecdote of your time as mayor? MP: Ah... Where to start? Okay, so there's this event that was held to commemorate the Panakvuranov family and our role in Andufan politics. They organized a charity event, and they managed to get as the opening speaker. GK: Susana Bulshitova? Former president of Margovya? MP: Yes, that same one. So, she's in the middle of her speech, when suddenly, someone from the audience shouted, "This is bullshit!" (audience laughs) GK: I take it Bulshitova didn't like that? MP: No, she didn't like it at all. At first, she tried to ignore it, but the guy--he was an Uruguayan tourist, I believe--just wouldn't shut up! So Bulshitova reaches into her bag, brings out one of those Caritas cans that she always has with her, and she throws it at the tourist! (audience roars with laughter) GK: Do you have plans to run for president in 2016? MP: I've thought about it. (audience giggles) If the MFP Federalist Party wants me as president, then so be it. But if the Federalists would rather have me as vice president (pause), then that's all right with me too. (audience cheers and whoops) MP: In fact, even if they don't want me anymore, then that's all right! (audience laughs) That was another joke. (audience laughs harder) GK: All right, enough about politics. Let's now talk about cars. Is it true that you've got a large collection of Yakovich sports cars? MP: Yes! I love Yakovich! I love his cars; they're the best! They're very fast, they're very noisy, they're very much like me, actually! They fit my personality to a T! GK: Not the fast part, I hope. (audience laughs) MP: I'm a very fast runner, I'll have you know. GK: Oh. (audience sniggers) Is it true that, aside from your collection of Yakovich sports cars, you also have a collection of toy cars? MP: It's true! I have cars from just about every brand of toy car there is: Matchbox, Hot Wheels, even those little Japanese-made cars, the Tomicas. Some of them are in the official residence of the vice president in Ikulsk, and I admit that I still sometimes play with them. But most of my collection is in a top secret location, which you can visit by going to what was once the wine cellar of Hacienda Pankavuranov de Andufa. GK: Hang on a minute. Which Hacienda Pankavuranov was burned down last week? MP: The one in Banananovich. GK: Okay, glad we cleared that up. And then, when you were finally legally old enough to own a real car, you started your collection then. What was your first car? MP: Uh, I think it was a Yakovich U. GK: What color was it? MP: EasyJet orange. (audience laughs) GK: And you still have it? MP: Yes, but I really don't use it a lot anymore. I brought it to a mechanic a month or two ago and he took one look at it--just one look--and then he went into his office and gave me a printed list of items which made the U economically not feasible anymore; it was as long as my forearm! So I'm going to trade it in sometime next week, I think. GK: Next week? That means that by the time this episode airs, you've already sold your U. MP: Basically, yeah, it's like that. GK: So someone out there will probably say, "I've got Vice President Pankavuranov's Yakovich U!" (audience laughs) MP: "What are all these toy cars doing here!?" (audience laughs harder) GK: Anyway, after the U, what car did you buy next? MP: Yakovich U2. I know, I know, it was ridiculously over-hyped, but I was naive back then! I didn't really understand things like horsepower and understeering and all that! Anyway, after I found out about the U2's overhyping, I immediately traded it in for a U-Shut Up. GK: But I wasn't even interrupting you! (audience laughs) So, what happened to the U-Shut Up? MP: I traded it in again. Like you said on this show, the U-Shut Up's a car that's halfway between supercar and hypercar; you don't know what to expect from it! I finally became fed up with it and traded it in for a V100. Category:Margovya Category:Media (History of Margovya) Category:Television (Media, History of Margovya)